A Fever That You Can Finally Sweat (Accidentally)

Why did I cry?

Did you know why?

I will be honest at this moment, 

1.       I was so stupid.

2.       Because of your kindness!

3.       I was happy. I was so happy ‘til I can’t express it but cry. Your intentions.. to buy me something. It’s enough. I think I don’t need to ask you to buy something, it’s pretty enough to hear your intentions.

4.       I just realized that after a long time. You kept it all while I was doing my foolishness. And now, after all, I just can’t pretend that it might be ‘something’.

5.       You asked me to stop crying.

And then.. About that unfinished statement.. “Kau berdosa!” “Mengapa?” “Kau berdosa bila tidak...”

Oh, God..

It was a pure accident! I mean, I didn’t mean to say that. ‘Cause from the first time, I said to myself that I won’t confess until he really move from his place. Came from my mouth accidentally. What should I do now? I even don’t know his feeling now. After all this time that I always ignore him, stuck in my crazy daydreams. And now, the fact is.. I might have that ‘thing’ too. Thing that he ever offer to me. I don’t know whether he still have that ‘thing’ for me or not. Feeling guilty for all that I do to him.

The first thing that I was thinking when I said that is “Idiot!” 

Itu memang kata-kata dariku. Memang benar. Tapi seharusnya hanya aku yang tau. Tapi tak tau mengapa dia keluar begitu saja.. Aku tak mengerti harus malu atau bersyukur. Yang jelas, inilah faktanya.. bahwa.. entahlah, aku sungkan mengatakannya. Aku mungkin sudah terlalu banyak merepotkan dan mengecewakannya. Dan ini sepertinya tak adil.